Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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