you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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