So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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