I met the friendliest cop last night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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