my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
