god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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