he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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