Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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