Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
