remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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