I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
