Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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