haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
