He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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