It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
