Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.