Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.

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  (248): Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup. http://tfl.nu/xbnm
  Replies (156) Good night (1474) Bad night (2789)
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  (914): View more from New York

  i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.

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  (914): i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to. http://tfl.nu/n2ms
  Replies (12) Good night (799) Bad night (3831)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.

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  (614): he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff. http://tfl.nu/tizj
  Replies (32) Good night (1307) Bad night (15478)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.

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  (248): You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual. http://tfl.nu/weeh
  Replies (4) Good night (2672) Bad night (886)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.

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  (813): I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said. http://tfl.nu/j7o9
  Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (2052)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.

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  (773): Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth. http://tfl.nu/gnm7
  Replies (3) Good night (1924) Bad night (816)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.

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  (520): There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this. http://tfl.nu/ttw7
  Replies (3) Good night (1550) Bad night (902)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.

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  (574): I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed. http://tfl.nu/w2ei
  Replies (7) Good night (1761) Bad night (495)
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  (646): View more from New York

  The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help

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  (646): The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help http://tfl.nu/rosq
  Replies (6) Good night (545) Bad night (1115)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Somehow he made it really romantic

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.

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  (541): Somehow he made it really romantic (503): He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me. http://tfl.nu/2g7n
  Replies (7) Good night (1466) Bad night (874)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I thought you wanted to talk?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?

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  (609): I thought you wanted to talk? (908): What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk? http://tfl.nu/h1nx
  Replies (3) Good night (1343) Bad night (422)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails

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  (703): I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails http://tfl.nu/g65f
  Replies (2) Good night (397) Bad night (619)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!

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  (479): Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating! http://tfl.nu/g8qn
  Replies (0) Good night (464) Bad night (315)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.

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  (203): Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today. http://tfl.nu/77td
  Replies (0) Good night (601) Bad night (337)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward

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  (952): The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward http://tfl.nu/x03l
  Replies (1) Good night (351) Bad night (214)

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