Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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