I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
