I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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