I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
