so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
