I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
