I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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