I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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