using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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