We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
