So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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