my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
