I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
