PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
