dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
