meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Mom said you looked used
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
