do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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