I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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