I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
