There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Are my feet made of real feet?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Randomize
