Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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