She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
