She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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