I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
