so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
