Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
