Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
