Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
