After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
