My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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