God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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