I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My dick has a subreddit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
