just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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