I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
