I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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