This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
