is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
