Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
