Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
