Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.

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  (248): Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on. http://tfl.nu/7zdh
  Replies (2) Good night (1450) Bad night (634)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.

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  (219): I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls. http://tfl.nu/l75s
  Replies (46) Good night (998) Bad night (3670)
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  (619): View more from California

  We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants

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  (619): We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants http://tfl.nu/owqu
  Replies (15) Good night (7679) Bad night (715)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.

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  (520): I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless. http://tfl.nu/n39p
  Replies (36) Good night (1030) Bad night (2892)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

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  (972): You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry" http://tfl.nu/fk1l
  Replies (21) Good night (11553) Bad night (887)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional

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  (410): There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional http://tfl.nu/r1v2
  Replies (11) Good night (4610) Bad night (1321)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea

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  (850): I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea http://tfl.nu/d42k
  Replies (18) Good night (5720) Bad night (951)
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  (845): View more from New York

  He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.

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  (845): He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up. http://tfl.nu/zpkp
  Replies (3) Good night (2589) Bad night (882)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.

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  (817): Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night. http://tfl.nu/bkam
  Replies (7) Good night (2059) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(

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  (970): They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:( http://tfl.nu/8u7z
  Replies (12) Good night (424) Bad night (1372)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.

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  (904): Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars. http://tfl.nu/rfvc
  Replies (2) Good night (1693) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  ...Wow...

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I could be a kindergarten teacher

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  (309): It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life. (1-309): ...Wow... (309): I could be a kindergarten teacher http://tfl.nu/o4tt
  Replies (20) Good night (1332) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.

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  (403): The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her. http://tfl.nu/lviw
  Replies (5) Good night (2082) Bad night (409)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Thanks for fucking me in last night

  (435): View more from Utah

  TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT

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  (435): Thanks for fucking me in last night (435): TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT http://tfl.nu/3wzm
  Replies (10) Good night (1551) Bad night (337)
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  (209): View more from California

  I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore

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  (209): I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore http://tfl.nu/6h5d
  Replies (3) Good night (594) Bad night (357)

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