That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.