I wanna passion pit in your ass
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.