The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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