I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night