so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now