At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
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dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.