We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
