Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
foreskin is a definite game changer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
