My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
