I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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