he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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