Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
