Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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