he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
