I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
