Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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