I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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