yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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