Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
