So drunk, too bad you don't want this
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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