youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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