I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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