I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
