I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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