The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
