My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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