We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
