Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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