paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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