Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
