found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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