when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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