so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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