pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
